I feel like sometimes so of my posts talk about the same theme of God taking me apart to build me back up but I think thats what being a follower of Christ is all about.
Lately some of life has been really tough...
To be blunt and to the point I really miss Morgan. I miss not being a part of her life at all. Maybe I am in her thinking but its hard to think about big things in her life happening and I just not being a part of it. Whether is a huge blessing on hearing from God about what she is called to do or if there is a death in the family and its hard to process it or anything else it just hurts to know that Im not there to help or share in the experience. I ache to share that one day. I dream of a day where everything is restored between us and we are opened to His grace in a whole new way. I pray that God's will is done between us whatever that may be. My heart is sick over this hope of being with her and it has been for the past year and a half when I really started to pursue God in the area of relationships. Proverbs 13:12 describes best my heart:
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life'
I desire nothing but to be faithful to where God has called me to go now. It does not make it easy that I am pushing through times of just trying to see the Lord's will especially when it comes to Morgan. I want to be a 'man' and say I just push right through all of this but right now I am so weak. Physically weak from working 70-80 hours a week...weak from crying out to God and seeing my plans continually fade(which they need to fade)...weak from not getting enough sleep...weak from the process of conforming my will to Gods...just weak.
Lord God, I ask you to meet me...help me understand how your strength is made perfect in weakness....amen
